Hey yal! Yup, I sure-do welcome yer ta da country-back-stalling-buck-spittin-waterhole-kinda-fun-place we here call da Bacon World! Dat dere is a picture of me when I wuz a out in der fields paintin' fences all day as a young sturdy hound dog! Didn't git too dang dog much done dough, cause for some dawg gonit reason, da fence would never git any dang flee shootin paint on it. Oh well, I guess I really didn't need to paint dat dere fence all pretty and dandy like how I roast me bacon.

Now, wait dere just a dawg gonnit minute dere son! Don't loose a interest in me so soon. I got a story here ta tell ya, and it's all 'bout me ssswwwwweeeeeeetttttt bacon! Mmm, mmm! I can just taste it now.

Let me start off by tellin yall a little bout da history here. Ya know, bacon jerky wasn't always around yer know. Yes sirry! It's come a long way since da indianos. Why, I can't remember a time when I wasn't here a thinkin about me bacon. It all started with da indianos, but soon, sure dang enoungh, here came da white folks wanton ta steel deir land and eat deir animals. Well, if yer didn't know, I'd say," Well, geez, partner! Don't cha know dat da buffalo was da main source of food for dat them dere indians?"

Well, ya see here, dere were no cows and cowboys up and runnin 'bout, so da indians made deir famous good didily umpcious, deliciousiouceiny yessirry, buffalo jerkey, which is second ta beef jerky, but that wasn't around back in the 1450's. Well, yer see here, da rednecks took over, that is da white people or folkies as I here like ta call em. Dey were sooo hungry dat dey ate everythin' in site o a dawg gonit mile, den dey ripped down da tropical rain forests o Oklahomi and built Oklahomi City! Yes, dey did all dat and more in da year of 1877.

Dey brought da cowboys and cows and other thingys along da following year, 1566. Den dere was a indiano named Jakafildil Akakafan Mijlaman Fliripiuto Monofimao, dat translates ta Bacon Butt in English. Now yer see here, good ol' Jakafildil Akakafan Mijlaman Fliripiuto Monofimao got his namo from bringin' da pig over ta here in Europa, where he started da biggest piggy farm on dis here side o da Mississippi in da year 2096. People say dat he was called Bacon Butt because he brought bacon into theIndiano world and killed masses upon masses o Indianos with his heavily colestoral accumalating dish o bacon, so da Gods or sombody got mad at him and made him turn half pig, and cursed him ta be dat way forever, unless he did a major thingy-dingy for da indianos. Well, yer see here he thought and thought and thought a little bit o' more, and then he seys, "By gosh-dang-doodaly-donkey! I'll give dat dere bacon to da rednecks!"

And he did, and den he dere turned back inta a dawg gonnit Indiano, yea-haw! And dat's how bacon was introducted inta our here, dat there, culture o meat eatin' humanios! Now, dis is when I kick in. I here specialize in making bacon jerky, since all da cows are insane from dat dere mad cow disease or somethon'. Let me tell ya da ingrediants dat go inta every slab o bacon jerky!

First, I have to kill the little ol' piggy (sorry, but it a gotta come from somewhere!)...
Next, I rip it apart inta slabs...
After dat, I throw it inta a big o tub o molten hot o rama thingy dingy o' butter, and let it dere soak it all up dere for a week or so...
Den, I take it out and give it a bath in a tub o greesy oil left over from some o dat dere cheese...
After it's bath, I throw it into a big ol' tub o regular greese...
Now dis is da part dat makes me mouth water; I throw it into another tub, dis o' one is full ta da hilt with salt...
Den I sqeeze out all da excess stuffo...
Next, I barb-b-que it ta a crispy outer coating of greese, mmm mmm!
Den I put me special sause on it, which is made out of:
Da best catsup around!
Some cheese!
Da best hot sause around!
More cheese!
A slab o butter!
Pus from a wound or two!
You guessed it; more cheese!
And ta top it off; some CHEESE!
Den it's a mixed up ta a fine boilin' hot point of 98 degrees with a texture o penut butter!
And last but not last, I refry it in greese, den squeeze it out and deep fry it followed by a good ol' pan fryin' session!

And dat's how I here at Da Bacon World make me world famiousy bacon jerky! Why I feel a song comin' on now here! Yea-haw!

Old Mic Dodely Donald had a farm! And on this farm was a piggy. So pink as a pink crayon! Here an oink! Dere an oink! Everywhere an oink! Eeee-iiiii eeeee-iiiiii ooooo! Weeeeeeeee! Old Mic Dodely Donald had a farm! And on this farm was a piggy... Blah, blah, blah, blah-blah! Somethon' somethon', da-da-daaaa! Whatever whatever, eeee-iiii-eeee-iiiiii-oooooo! Yea-haw! Giddy up there little ol' doggy-horsey!